Is the 30's the new 20's or nah?

Everyone keeps saying to me that I should totally write a blog, but I'm not entirely sure on what to say. I believe it's because I have to much to say actually. A little background on myself: I am a Personal Stylist, Motivational Speaker, Life and Relationship Coach and now Blogger amongst other things. A true jack of all trades, a lady that wears many hats. I own my own company. Enough about thine self and back to why I'm here. I didn't want to go to far back or get to deep. Shit could get a Lil slippery you know. Plus we just met. I can't just get nasty booty naked and we just met! "Just joking" Everybody knows you have to buy me dinner first before clothes hit the floor. (In my Phaedra Parks voice).

Let me put a disclaimer in here before continuing: I am not for the faint at heart, easily offended,the timid nor docile by nature. I say what everybody thinks sometime or another and just don't have the balls or gumption to say it. I keep it real huney. 

For example; why when us girls were young we always over heard our mothers, aunt's, or grandma's talking about how they were so relieved to not have their little monthly visits anymore. If you can catch my drift. Then us being all young and naive' we dreamed about the day when we would stop getting our much unwelcome totally inconveniencing monthly visits. Shit now I clap, twerk, even throw a damn party once in a while when I see mine! Cause I now know the truth that mom was too damn scared to say. You know back then everybody was sipping on that we no talking sweetest taboo juice and shit. I can promise you I am not so conservative, because I'm going to spill lady tea right damn now. 

Going through those life changes ain't no damn joke hunty! What changes you may be thinking? Those over 30 damn changes, the changes where were always falling asleep. We begin noticing that were growing unsightly hair in some weird ass places, Like on our breast (Yuck). On our toes, on our face especially the chin! Try to recall the first time you looked in the mirror thinking you to damn sexy and then "drum roll" three long curly disgusting hairs are just chilling right there on your damn chin. Oh my! The irony of it all, the horror. The endless thoughts of am I turning into a dude, because I have noticed my voice suddenly has more bass. If I shave it will it return with a vengeance leaving me a human Chia pet? Hell, what's the future of my lady bits...will they suddenly morph into man parts? Will someone mistake me for my husband? Literally just one scary damn question after the next. Wrapped up in a blanket of resentment towards mom for not telling the candid truth. Making you think having no menstruation every month meant celebration time. 

The true question and only reality that matters above all this is...OMG, how is this going to affect my sex life? Well let me tell you how. Remember when you were young and carefree? When you could stay up all night long, then head straight to work? When you would hang out and get your drink on, then unleash the dirty freak nasty beast deep deep inside you? (The liquor freak). 

Yes, you remember those golden days; you recall the beast I'm referring to. The little freaky get all kinds of nasty in between the sheets beast. The beast that could go 4 straight hours at a time and didn't require a potty break, a snack break not even a sip of water break! Well I'm glad you can remember the time like on some "Micheal Jackson" shit. Because in your thirties that stamina begins to fade away! For example: you out with your boo, y'all sippin' on that grown up juice as I say to my daughter. Both of you are starting to get that look in your eyes, that look of I'm going to freak you so good your toes will curl. Just like the wicked witch in "The wizard of oz", when the house fell on dhat ass. You whispering, he's whispering all the naughty little things you both are going to do when you get home. 


He undresses faster than you, since you obviously have an entire beauty costume to remove. He slips into the bed waiting to see you in your birthday suit. He dozes off, you jump into the sack next thing you know...you fast asleep in a drunken slumber. Because suddenly liquor doesn't have the same affect on you as it use to. LIQUOR...the new NyQuil for older folks to help you get your Zzz's. Next thing you know, you awake at 5am because your bladder is on 10. You chillin' on the toilet trying to recall if you bust it wide open or not, meaning did y'all get it in. You speeding on the toilet because you can't remember one damn thing, dying for your boo to tell you all the dirty deeds. Suddenly after you beg your man to dish the tea he looks you dead in your eyes...we didn't do none of that freaky deeky shit we was plotting & planning last night. 

Hell we both fell asleep! He mad as hell, and your ass pissed off because you missed your opportunity to blame your inner porn star on the alcohol. No turn up time for neither of you, since it ain't often y'all have freedom no how with a preschooler running wild. Now that's some of that cold bitter reality that just put on a pair of steel toe boots and dropped kicked you square dead in your 30+ years face. 


It isn't all bad when you get older, at least your ass take the time and think before you respond to bullshit. A.k.a."Drama". Probably because your brain now processes the information first, instead of your fists doing that for you! LMFAO

Pause for now. Keep it sexy, keep it stylish and keep it real.



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